The federal government has indicted Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick on conspiracy charges stemming from a dog-fighting ring. Methinks they fingered the wrong guy. If you remember, there was a woman who accused Vick of passing on some germs. He didn't do it. Ron Mexico, a mountebank who poses as Mr. Vick, did. Cursed the ne'er do well! This dog-fighting ring has Mr. Mexico's dirty fingerprints all over it. The Twinkie defense? The if-it-doesn't-fit-you-must-acquit defense? The burning-bed defense? It all pales next to the legal powerhouse that is the Ron Mexico defense.

You forgot the Chewbacca defense.

Michael Vick's only hope for avoiding conviction is the Chewbacca Defense. Maybe he can hire the Ghost of Johnny Cochrane.

I guess I don't see what the big deal is. I guess if he broke the law, then he broke the law. Who cares if he fights dogs? I really don't, but I guess I'm a heartless bastard.

Homer: Just a thought--

"Animals are God's creatures. He surrounds them with his providential care. By their mere existence they bless him and give him glory.[196] Thus men owe them kindness. We should recall the gentleness with which saints like St. Francis of Assisi or St. Philip Neri treated animals." - Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2416. See also CCC, 2415, 2417, and 2418

I'm sorry, does that apply to Pit Bulls?

Personally, I find any endeavor where humans fight animals against animals repulsive. But, it's been done for a long time and I don't give it much thought and don't really care. Frankly, the fewer pit bulls in the world, the better. But, Homer's right: if he broke the law, he broke the law. Michael Vick is a punk. Not as bad as his dumb gangster brother but a punk nonetheless and he's got bigger issues going, like keeping his job because he can't get it done at QB.

Apply to pit bulls? Um, you tell me. Don't think we need any fancy lawyering here.

Refresh my memory on what the Chewbacca defense is?

The Chewbacca defense is a fictional legal strategy used in the South Park episode "Chef Aid", which premiered on October 7, 1998, as the fourteenth episode of the second season. The concept satirized attorney Johnnie Cochran's closing argument defending O.J. Simpson in his murder trial. "Chewbacca Defense", meaning a defense consisting solely of nonsensical arguments meant to confuse a jury, has since been occasionally applied outside of references to South Park.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH5EblIjkrk

Well, I'm quite sure God didn't have pit bulls or Mr. Vick in mind when He wrote that.

who's ron mexico? ron jeremys illegal brother?

Who's Michael Vick?

Michael Vick is the starting quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons.

Ron Mexico is his Mr. Hyde

I knew that. Even if one didn't, I suppose I'm surprised that anybody in the google age would ask that question.