Certain Earthlings wish to make war on another world. They call themselves scientists, and they aim at nothing less than the destruction of the ninth planet. It's not that they want to nuke Pluto. It's just that they no longer want to call it a planet. Clyde Tombaugh would be mad. But since he discovered Pluto, other objects similar in size have been discovered in that vicinity orbiting the Sun. If Pluto gets to be a planet, why not Xena?

Is science up for a vote? The International Astronomical Union places the general question of planets, and the specific question of Pluto, before its general assembly tomorrow. Longtime FlynnFiles readers will recall the debate over whether Pluto constitutes an actual planet or a mere Kuiper Belt Object. The resolution of this debate, at least within the IAU, will either open the floodgates to dozens of new planets, or make planethood a restrictive club open to objects meeting strict criteria, such as size, orbit, and atmosphere.

The IAU assures that its decision will be based on the best science. Clearly, it's not science, but subjectivity that will determine what is and isn't a planet. That's because "planets" are socially constructed. Many, many objects--not just the nine "planets"--orbit the Sun. Are they all planets? That depends on how you define "planet," which is what the IAU aim to do. Must a planet be a certain size? Must it have a moon? Must it be spherical? Must it orbit anything? Must it have an atmosphere? Must it have a core?

The objects floating around space don't fit into neat little man-made categories. The ones that do will be called "planets." The ones that don't will force scientists to rethink the concept.

Call everything other than Pluto, but like it, orbiting the sun planetoids. There, problem solved. My invoice is in the mail.

We must take this existential threat to western civilization seriously.

Yeah, but then Mickey will have to change his dog's name to Xena. Just doesn't seem right.

Having Charon as its moon gains Pluto no sort of special consideration? More importantly, is the IAU going to rewrite My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pickles? My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nothing doesn't have the same ring to it!

They'll fit if the categories are nice enough. I'm for booting Pluto.

This decision is far too important to be left to the whim of the International Astronomical Union. We need the UN on the case, and fast!