Michael Bolton sings "How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends," winning the adulation of boring fortysomething women everywhere. John Bolton kills globalist treaties, winning such accolades as "human scum" and "bloodsucker" from the North Koreans. Other than their last names, the Bolton brothers have nothing in common: nothing except their funky follicle stylings. John Bolton sports a mustache reminiscent of Rip Taylor in his Sigmund and the Seamonster days. Michael Bolton's hairdo is a cross between Randy Johnson mullet and Rudy Giuliani combover. So whose hair is better? John Bolton's mustache or Michael Bolton's mane?

That picture of Giuliani is gigantic, filled my entire screen when I clicked on it and freaked me out. Funny.

I vote for the mustache, the contrast in colors sends it over the top.

John Bolton's moustache.

John Bolton reminds me more of Captain Kangaroo.

JB, all the way. With that moustache I've been waiting for someone to Photoshop a mock poster with the caption "Got Nukes?"

John Bolton, on principal. Remember the wisdom of Mike Bolton in Office Space: "No-talent @$$-clown...Why should I change, he's the one who sucks!"

Mustaches Matter!

I had no idea the Boltons were brothers!

They are brothers from different mothers.

Constantine was robbed.

"Michael...Bolton?...Hey, are you related to that singer guy?"

"No, it's just a coincidence"

"So what's wrong with Michael Bolton"

"There was nothing wrong with my name...until that no-talent-ass-clown won like three grammy's"

"Why don't you just change your name"

"No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks!"