The website "Stuff White People Like" has extracted from my brain all of the things that annoy me about modern society but that I had a hard time articulating. My grievances, I discover, are mostly against other white people my age. This explains why I have no friends. The site lists 90 things that white people like (all of the entries, save maybe five, I hate). Number 23, for instance, is microbreweries. The site informs: "Being able to walk into a bar and order a beer that no one has heard of makes white people feel good about their alcohol drinking palate." "Many white people will tell you that they are very into soccer," reads #80. "But be careful, it's a trap." This entry focuses on "the idea of soccer," which seduces many white people into proclaiming their love of soccer but fails to induce them to actually play or watch it. "If you then attempt to engage them about your favorite soccer team or talk about famous moments in soccer history, you are likely to be met with blank stares. This is because white people don't actually enjoy watching soccer, they just like telling their friends that they are into it." "An interesting fact about white people is that they firmly believe that all of the world's problems can be solved through 'awareness,'" states #18. Hating Their Parents, Gifted Children, and Having Gay Friends are a few other of the ninety entries on this must-read website. I add "Kids Who Use Their Parents' First Names," "Super-Dressed Up People Who Show Up to Church Only on Christmas and Easter," "Bike-Riders Who Wear Helmets," and "Parents Who Sue the Parents of the Kid Who Punches Their Kid in the Face."

I recently discovered that web site also. Hilarious.

But, it might as well be called Stuff Rich White Liberals Like.

Does this make you a racist somehow?

My fave is definitely people who dress up and go to church only on Easter and Christmas.

I call these types 'amateurs' and it irks the $hit out of me when, only on those days, they’re all packed in, usually after the Mass has started, and continue to pack themselves in almost until it ends. So what’s the point? Other than to feeeeellll good about themselves and be there for all to see.

I’m a fairly regular church goer. Not nuts about it but I take in a lot of liturgy (go ahead, just ask me what color garments the priest was wearing last week ;-)). I went last Sunday and promptly turned around and left as the place was packed for Palm Sunday. Cursing all the way.

So you committed a mortal sin because you couldn't be bothered to stand?

I don't mind the Christmas/Easter crowd, at least they're going to church twice a year. Still better than zero.

Yeah. Guess I did. H-E double hockey sticks for me.

asdf,

Don't be so hard on yourself. A little time in the booth, and I'm sure you'll only have to spend half of eternity in purgatory.

another good one that's been out there longer

http://blackpeopleloveus.com/

guess i'm not white. dont have gay friends, dont hate my parents, dont like micro-fad beer, i'll stick with my IC lite. Its a Burg thang.But on the other hand i hate soccer, and had the hots for asian chicks :) so maybe im half white.

Been reading this website for a while now. Love it. Have been guilty, I'm glad to say, of very few of the charges.

Tagmnbagm, the blog is explicit that it is talking about urban, left wing white yuppies. At one point is lists "white people who vote Republican" as something white people hate.

It took me a while, but, for the uninitiated, the "IC," in IC Lite that Tagm refers to, means Iron City--Pittsburgh. Do you drink a beer with as manly a name? When you order an Iron City, it is, I hear, customary to punch the bartender in the face. When he serves the beer, he punches you back. That's how manly Iron City is.

There's a bar in South Boston called Murphy's Law that I used to frequent when it was the Powerhouse Pub and there were lots of white people (read: only) in there. But if you ordered a non-existent micro-brew in there, you'd get a beer and a beatin'. Mostly a beatin’.

Since the name change, so has Southie. And now that the area has been Gentrified, I’m sure a plethora of micro-brews are on tap.

I'm a big Wes Anderson fan. Ya' know, I saw Bottle Rocket back in 1994.

I like him too. Almost rented The Darjeeling Limited last night, but held off. Might get it this week.

TFM was just repeating something funny from the "Stuff White People Like" list (Bottle Rocket came out in '96, which, I suppose, is the joke). Anyhow, The Darjeeling Limited was a real disappointment. I think The Royal Tanenbaums is one of the great movies in the last decade, but this one just didn't have much substance to it. Quirky characters, good acting, cool music, interesting visuals, but in the end the movie is about the story and this one lacks that.

Dan,

Actually you are wrong about the joke on Bottle Rocket. It actually was first released in 1994 in a shortened form. It then played at Cannes where Anderson was able to find interested producers to front the money to buy and distribute the film, that is when it was then released generally in 1996. I didn't see it before the general release but I remember reading about it having been a hit at Cannes before I got to see it in the theater b/c at the time I was writing film and music reviews for my college paper. So if a white person says they saw it in 1994 they are practically saying that they saw the screening at Cannes of that year. So they would be "seriously" ahead of the game on Anderson.

I have no idea what you are complaining about in regards to "super-dressed up" people at Easter Mass. The only way to be overdressed for Mass is to be wearing a tux and neither be a Duke or at a wedding. What I can't stand is sitting between two women in jeans at Mass as occurred today, or even worse (as I know that modern women have zero class) seeing men in jeans at Mass. The informality and flagrant disregard for the solemnity of the event is terribly annoying. Is wearing respectful attire and carrying yourself w/ dignity so difficult, even for just one stinking hour a week?

I'm right on board with you Bruce. I see people wearing sweat clothes and those plastic running suits. My thought is: come on people!! If you can't take a little time to press some casual outfit to go one hour a week to a place of worship, there is something wrong.

But, as alluded to earlier, I do get a kick out the people who never go to mass and on Easter dress to the nines and show up at a packed Mass. This might be what Dan is referring to.

The Catholic Church should be thankful that anybody is showing up at all (overall attendance is down, and more & more churches are closing). Why should it matter how you're dressed? It doesn't make you a "super-Christian" if you wear a polo and slacks. I thought we weren't supposed to "judge" other people?

This is one of the many reasons that I left the church in the first place.
Hypocrisy at every turn.

There were probably lots of more significant reasons you left the church FTW, the clothing issue being the least of them.

Certainly, a person could go in wearing a Speedo and it really shouldn't make any difference, as long as they're going in. But, personal pride and a sense of decorum has been chucked no matter what the event and all I'm saying is that, once in a while, it would be nice for people to honor an event by showing some class and not going there like they're going to lift weights.

Ex-Catholics kill me. They're always on a f'ing crusade. You left it, fine. We don't really care.

Unless somebody was physically molested, I don't understand what could be so bad that makes people hate the church?

I am of the "mass is for the masses" school of thought. It's church, not a fashion show. I think most people treat it that way, which is fine by me.

Worse than this, I see people going to wakes and funeral Masses dressed like they're heading to Chuck E Cheese. Again, just a matter of respect.