Blah, Blah, Blah

America is on the verge of its greatest century, blah, blah, blah, how we can fix a broken Washington, blah, blah, blah, I’m ready to lead, blah, blah, blah, the United States is not to be trifled with, blah, blah, blah, the political establishment in Washington, D.C. in both political parties is completely out of touch, blah, blah, blah, we'll reignite the promise of America, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Read my column @ the American Spectator on how the Wednesday's Republican presidential debate appeared less Lincoln v. Douglas and more Snooki v. Angelina, Omarosa v. Ereka, or Puck v. Pedro.

Schlomo Sapiens

Scientists allegedly found remains from a previously unknown branch of the human family in a dark South African cave. In the daylight of Central New England I regularly glimpse offshoot homo sapiens while walking through the city. The South African scientists call their find homo naledi. I call mine schlomo sapiens. Read my column @ the American Spectator to learn about this new branch of the human family tree.

Justice, Not Social Justice

Tom Brady’s a winner. You can glean that from that last-minute look on the face of cornerback Richard Sherman or by reading the scorching rebuke of the NFL by Judge Richard Berman. But you mainly understand this merely by watching—and not necessarily on fall Sundays—Tom Brady. But the jaundiced perspective of 2015 America senses that people marry supermodel brides, live in mansions, and bedizen their fingers with Super Bowl rings by cheating. Read my article @ the American Spectator that posits that once “congratulations” yields to “no fair” you know that losing is winning.

Nutters

Like so many of the faithful congregants of the Church of the Holy Idiot Box, Vester Flanagan bumrushed the pulpit from the pews. The narcissism evident in his professional pursuits of prostitute and pixelated personality displayed itself in his decision to methodically video the murder of two young people succeeding in the field in which he had repeatedly failed. Frustration about the self ultimately causes the troubled to lash out at others. Read my article @ the American Spectator on how the world, and the would-be world-savers, would be better off if violent reformers reformed themselves instead.

Jared, We Hardly Knew Ye

Jared Fogle pleaded guilty to child pornography and underage sex charges last week. The sandwich salesman faces five-to-twelve years in jail, imminent divorce, and, worst of all, a plummeting Q-Score. Read my article @ the American Spectator that asks: What does it profit a man to loseth the weight but gaineth the cell-block moniker “chomo”?

Bernie Sanders, Weirdo in Chief

Senator Bernie Sanders tops former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton 44-37 in a poll of likely Democratic voters in the New Hampshire primary. A proud socialist in the driver’s seat in a state where they inscribe “live free or die” on the license plates speaks to what a long, strange trip it’s been. Read my column @ the American Spectator on how the senator's strange trip includes orgone-energy accumulators, bizarre discussions about eating placenta, and advocating the idea that prudishness causes cancer.

Frank Gifford Was a Giant

“No doubt he came to represent the realization of life’s large promises,” Fredrick Exley writes of Frank Gifford in A Fan’s Notes. Frederick Exley’s book reads about the meaning of alcoholism, and the weight of a late but accomplished father hanging about a son’s neck, and the catharsis a vicarious existence lived in the bleachers provides. But, superficially at least, the greatest football book ever written was about an obsession with Frank Gifford, who died this weekend. Read my piece @ Breitbart on the player and his greatest fan.

Lions Are People Too

Seeing lions on television instead of out of the corner of your eye tends to inflate your love for the big cats. But Cecil, a socially-conscious king of the jungle, presumably eschewed the parched-grassland delicacies of antelope, zebra, and giraffe in favor of vegan fare. This would explain why his apostles trashed Walter Palmer’s vacation home and St. Sharon Osbourne, married to a known predator of smaller flying creatures, dubbed the hunter “Satan” and called for his head mounted to a wall. Such a beautiful creature would never stoop to the level of a beastly dentist. Read my article @ Breitbart on why lions are people too.

Donald and the Apprentices

Conservatives pick Donald Trump for president because the media picks on him. After emerging beat up from the slings and arrows of Fox News moderators, a bloodied and bruised Donald Trump may actually appear more attractive to GOP primary voters. Read my column @ the American Spectator on conservatives hating the media more than they love their principles.

The Yankee Taliban

Ideologues seek to ban Gone with the Wind from movie houses and dig up Nathan Bedford Forrest's grave. The revival of the War Between the States after a 150-year interbellum thankfully witnesses human simulacrums and corpses as casualties rather than living, breathing people. After killing 300,000 Southerners, destroying Richmond, Charleston, and Atlanta, and imposing martial law on much of the rebellious region for more than a decade, the victors allowed the vanquished to keep their heroes. Read my column @ the American Spectator on how a century-and-a-half later that appears too generous a concession to some.

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