His name isn't David Stern for nothing.

The commissioner of the NBA came down hard on Sunday, suspending Ron Artest for the season, Stephen Jackson for thirty games, Jermaine O'Neal for twenty-five games, and numerous others for a lesser number of contests. Championship contenders became cellar-dwelling pretenders mainly through the thoughtless actions of one selfish idiot. Hey, Rick Carlisle: maybe giving Ron Artest a month off to promote his rap album wasn't such a bad idea, after all.

To love basketball is to hate it in its present state. The NBA has dispensed with traditional rules against travelling, carrying, and man-handling offensive players, and good guys worth cheering for like Tim Duncan and Grant Hill seem few and far between. David Stern suspended Ron Artest for fighting with fans in the seats, but you've got to think that years of Dennis Rodmans, Latrell Sprewells, and Rasheed Wallaces weren't far from his mind in meting out the harsh penalty. The league suffers economically from people who benefit economically from the league.

Since it's hard for me to root for any actual NBA team, I've decided that the only rational thing to do is to become insane and devise my own imaginary team of fictional all-stars and root for them. Here's my starting line-up:

At center, from Carver High School...Warren Coolidge.
At point guard, from the projects...Basketball Jones.
At power forward, from the Charlotte Banshees...Juwanna Mann.
At off guard, from the Pittsburgh Piscies...Set Shot.
And at small forward, from Hickory High School...Jimmy Chitwood.

Coming off the bench are Teen Wolf, Chuck Cunningham, AC and Zack from SBTB, and Sidney Deane. Our motivating theme song will be "Basketball" by Curtis Blow.

I know there are a lot of unanswered questions about my team. How would Jimmy Chitwood fare in the shot-clock era? Can you guarantee that Chuck Cunningham, who abandoned Happy Days after just a few episodes, won't abandon the team after a few games? With more agressive defenders, would Set Shot's slow release time ensure an abundance of swatted shots? Do mandatory drug testing and Basketball Jones mix? Would money and fame, and the absence of the stablizing influence of Coach Reeves, sidetrack Coolidge? All of these questions, I can assure you, will be answered by our mad play on the hardwood.

Let's face it, Dan, good sports aren't heard about, other than Michael Jordan and a few others. Unless an athlete is of mega-superstar ability, he is ignored. Those that are of mid-level caliber on a professional level that try to do positive things get nothing more than a warm fuzzy.

Being a professional athlete and trying to make a difference for good causes is like wetting your pants in a dark suit-it gives you a warm feeling but no one notices. I speak from personal experience.

The media only pays attention to the bad boys of most sports. Doing something positive? How cute, it might get on page 34 of the sports section when we have room for it. Bite off someone's ear? Hey, every channel and sports page give it top coverage.

This Dan just might explain why children today act up at times. They do good things and get "how nice." At least if they act up they get some attention from their parents. Just my opinion.

Cynical? You bet I am.

Be well,

Sponge

I only have one issue with your All-Star team. I would start Teen Wolf over Basketball Jones. Teen Wolf's acrobatic fast break style adds dimensions that Basketball Jones could only dream of. Teen Wolf's ability to jump, pass and create plays where nothing exists earns him the start.

Besides knowing that Basketball Jones is from the projects we both know his stamina, attitude and dedication to the team will be called into question. As we both know being from the brick jungle he definitely smokes and drinks....even on game days. Both habits are detrimental to a ball club.

Peace.

Professional sports can be understood in terms of the journalistic ethos "if it bleeds it leads." I haven't watched basketball since 1996 but even then, when Jordan won the crown, the press was less interested in his contribution to the sport than it was the contribution of Dennis Rodman and Charles "I'm not a role model" Barkley.

The press will continue to report this crap until people stop paying attention to it. Unfortunately, pro sports attracts some of the most base and immature segments of our population; it is doubtful that, with the exception of golf and tennis that American sports fans will learn to comport themselves in any better manner. Thus the venal among pro sports athletes get center stage.

This is nowhere more evident than in college and professional football. Rae Carruth comes to mind.

Hey- A.C. Slater(as a self-declared jock)deserves a starter position on your all star team...until Lisa, Jesse, and Kelly challege him in a boys vs. girls b-ball game in which AC's cocky ego will be destroyed.

"...and numerous others for a lesser number of contests." Curious that Ben Wallace doesn't even warrant a mention in your comments. I suppose that's because you wrongly believe that his response to Artest was correct. It wasn't. Wallace received six games; it should have been 15.

"To love basketball is to hate it in its present state." Please. The talent-level and skill of the NBA is at an all-time high. Parity in the NBA is at a 25-year high. To hate it because travelling isn't called enough is silly. To hate it because of a mistaken belief that offensive players get "man-handled" is wrong. And to hate it because the only "good-guy" super-star you can name is Duncan indicates that you need to watch more NBA games.

"The league suffers economically from people who benefit economically from the league." The league is booming, and the brawl will only increase that (see Marc Stein's article: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/columns/story?id=1927536).

"Since it's hard for me to root for any actual NBA team...." I suppose if I were a Celtics fan, that would be my attitude as well.

Brad: what would Ben Wallace's suspension been if Artest hadn't gone absolutely berserk afterwards? Certainly not fifteen games. Not even the six he got. It wasn't Wallace who turned the arena into a Lord-of-the-Flies, state-of-nature war of all against all; it was Artest.

Out of control, immature punk.

Earth to Brad: Artest was suspended for seventy or so games and Wallace for six. Artest is the story here, not Wallace. Wallace doesn't merit a mention because he shoved another player in the face on the court. This happens all the time. Artest is the focus of the post because he stormed the first few rows of the arena to engage in several random fights with people who help pay his salary. This, obviously, doesn't happen all the time.

The injustice of it all! To think David Stern would impose a penalty more than ten times severe on Ron Artest than on Ben Wallace! He must be reading anti-Ron Artest propaganda on FlynnFiles. Someone, please, for the sake of all that's good, have David Stern talk to Brad and the other five people in the United States who know that Ben Wallace was the real villain here!

"What would Ben Wallace's suspension been if Artest hadn't gone absolutely berserk afterwards?"

Berserk? He went into the stands after a single fan who threw a beer on him. Then fought off other fans who attacked him. And then hit a fan who, in a riot-type atmosphere, came onto the court and stepped aggressively towards him. I do not find any of these particularly extraordinary. What do you suppose would happen in a Yankees/Sox game at Yankee Stadium if a drunk fan hit someone in the bullpen with a beer after a brawl between the teams? A U.N. summit?

"It wasn't Wallace who turned the arena into a Lord-of-the-Flies, state-of-nature war of all against all; it was Artest." It was Artest. It wasn't Wallace, and it wasn't the Detroit fans. Right.

Why, one wonders, did the fan throw a beer at Artest? Bordem, perhaps? I don't suppose it had anything to do with the on-court brawl that Wallace initiated!?

Artest's penalty was too sever, Wallace's was too lenient, and many of the fans should be prosecuted for participating in a riot.

Make that "severe."

Brad sorry but the league isn't booming. TV ratings are way down as is attendence at many of the venues. Merchandise is up, I will grant you. But the next tv contract will be telling. Shooting pct and scoring are now historically low and a good indicator of talent levels which in most peoples opinions are down. The league is in trouble and will go the way of the wwf if something isn't done. The league has regressed to 1978 levels.

Dan, where do the Super Harlem Globetrotters fit on your All-Star Team?

Brad,

Who created the "riot type atmosphere" in which Artest could start laying down punches on fans advancing on him on the court? What I specifically am interested in is how you can characterize Artest going after the one single specific fan in the third row who threw the beer cup at him as not a provocation to all of the fans (Detroit fans, mind you, this wasn't a home game!) around that one dude. If O'Neal and the others could come to the aid of their teammate Artest who was getting it in the stands than surely the friends of some drunk dude who stupidly chucked his beer can come to his aid as well.

Should the Detroit fans who were involved be prosecuted as fully as possible, absolutely, but the fact that Artest wasn't being indiscriminate in his rage when he entered the stands (he wanted only to get one guy) does not exonerate him from responsibility for sparking the riot atmosphere.

Even if we agree with your initial position (from which all of your argument flows logically) that Wallace is at fault for overreacting to a garden variety hard foul then all that really explains is why the crowd could be so angry at Artest . . . i.e., that they agreed with Wallace that it was a cheap foul. That reaction of Wallace did not spark the riot atmosphere . . . that was solely a consequence of Artest entering the stands.

But I join with Flynn and others in not blaming Wallace for his reaction to the foul as I find that whole style of basketball and "defense" to be noxious, particularly when the game was over. If it had been one possession later than the shot clock would have dictated that Wallace would never have even bothered driving to the basket but the Pistons would have instead just let the time run out.

You are right in a limited way about the talent level of the NBA, etc. I love watching the "And 1" mix tour on ESPN which shows off the skills of the street ballers, skills readily on display now in the NBA. Skills which amount to playing one-on-one, not skills involving playing a TEAM sport. That is why the NBA has issues, and that is why not calling travelling, or carrying (who remembers what that even is anymore?), as well as the mugging which takes the place of actually getting in position to stop a drive to the basket or take a charge set the stage for rioutous outbursts like happened in Detroit.

Dan, having Jimmy Chitwood on your team would simply be worth it in today's NBA simply based on the fact that he would score 30+ points a game just at the charity stripe alone!

Dude, I didn't realize I wrote so much. I type too fast . . . sheesh.

I guess my point boils down to these two:

(1) Wallace is as responsible as anyone in that his furious reaction to Artest's clean foul, and NOT the foul itself, is what initially agitated the crowd. (Had Wallace not attacked Artest, no one would have thrown anything whether Artest was reclining on the scorers table or not).

(2) I do not fault Artest for going after a fan who hit him with a beer. That he went "into the stands" (uttered in a reverent tone) is, in my mind, irrelevant. Had the fan in question been courtside, all this nonsense about going "into the stands" wouldn't even be an issue. We're talking about a difference of two rows here.

No. (1) is not arguable. Anyone who thinks Artest's foul was excessive, or that the kind of violent response Wallace gave is "normal" doesn't know NBA basketball.

Many may disagree with No. (2), but in my mind, if someone hits you with a beer, they deserve to be beat down (unless they are defending Cal Ripken, in which case they deserve a stern talking to).

To correct both Brian and Brad, Artest didn't go after the guy who threw the beer at him. He didn't know who threw the beer at him. He just went after a random fan--the guy who looks like Jared from Subway--who not only had a cup in his hand (which is one clue that should've suggested to Artest that he didn't throw the beer), but who definitively was not the guy who threw the beer because that guy got identified today through videotaped evidence.(http://www.clickondetroit.com/sports/3938054/detail.html). So, be clear on reality: Artest didn't go after the fan who hit him with the beer but he assualted some random guy who may have taunted him, but that's about it.

Dan:

That changes my position somewhat. If he had seen who hit him and gone after that person, that's one thing. If, as the story you cite reports, he got the wrong guy, then that's another matter.

At any rate, I'm glad to know the police are going after the fans:

"[the police] said the investigation will begin with Green [the actual beer-thrower], but the prosecutor's office is expected to announce charges against 25 to 50 other fans who participated in the fight at The Palace."