Temperatures in the United States were almost a degree colder this September than the average September. Okay, okay, that's the average temperature since they have been been tracking such data, which is a hundred years or so. But a hundred years is, like, a super-long time, right? The drop in temperature in September is clear evidence not only of a global cooling trend, but that it's a man-generated cooling trend. Don't believe it? It's science. If you disagree then you are anti-science. No explanation needed beyond that. You hate science.

In fact, enlightened science lovers like myself--those of us who look at thermometers and the like--have noticed it's been getting quite a bit cooler lately. People are starting to wear coats who just weeks ago wore shorts. This mounting anecdotal evidence is backed by hard statistics. October has been cooler than September. In turn, September was cooler than August. Notice a pattern? The scientifically ignorant think this is just a cyclical change. It's not. The earth is freezing, which, you must admit, would be a lot worse than, say, the climate of Maine more closely resembling the climate of Hawaii.

Where I live, it dips into the 30s overnight. Just two months ago, overnight temperatures sometimes remained in the 80s. That's a drastic change. If this trend continues, the mercury will drop to -273.15 Celsius (That's -459.67 Fahrenheit for those too ignorant to embrace the enlightened Celsius scale.) sometime next year. That's right. The trendlines don't lie. The earth will become one giant ball of ice all because its inhabitants refused to alter their behavior.

What's needed is for all of us to act globally, think locally, produce, disuse, dispense, and go lunar. It's not too late. We can still save the earth. Each one teach one.

You can do something about the problem. Won't you join me in partaking in a few socially-conscious acts?

First, waste paper not time. Don't recycle. Throw all of the beer cans and soda bottles into the garbage. Sure, this relieves you of a major time waster in sorting them and bringing them to a recycling center. But think about it: you'll also be saving the planet by offsetting the effects of global cooling. Second, drive the largest automobile you can, and don't, under any circumstances, take public transportation. I know, I know. You'll miss the stench of rush hour and the interaction with myriad unpleasant people. But just do as I instruct. It's for the planet. Third, when the supermarket clerk asks, "Paper or plastic?," answer: "Paper, plastic, and styrofoam packing peanuts." Yeah, you will ensure that your bread and chips don't get crushed by heavy items. But you're doing this for your fellow man, not for you. Styrofoam is an excellent combatant of global cooling. Fourth, flush for amusement, not just for necessity. If you want a cleaner world, start in your toilet bowl. Five: Leave a light on, or two, or ten. Do you live in the Middle Ages? No? Then stop acting like it. Electricity allows you to see at night and save the planet. C'mon people.

When you partake in one of these acts to save the planet, I want you to let the readers of FlynnFiles know through the comments section of this thread. Did you throw a glass bottle in the trash instead of the recycling bin? Tell us about it, especially about how good it made you feel knowing that your thoughtful act might make the difference in saving the planet. Do you and your wife drive matching SUVs? Speak up. Turn on all the lights in your house before going out for the day? Let us know, and in turn, we'll let you know how grateful we are for you doing your part to protect the green earth from becoming ice white.

Our critics carp that these are merely ritualistic acts designed to make us feel better. They say that we just want to establish a sense of superiority by telling ourselves that we're saving the planet, and that we're better than the people who aren't joining in. But I guarantee that if everyone follows my instructions, the earth, instead of resembling the North Pole--and recent trendlines indicate that it will soon--will be warm and temperate come next summer.

You have to be kidding me.

He literally is.

To gain a better understanding of where this general skepticism of environmental hysteria is coming from, and why this satire is completely on the mark, read the chapter in Thomas Sowell's "Vision of the Anointed" entitled "The Irrelevance of Evidence," or Flynn's chapter on environmentalists in "Intellectual Morons". You get ganged up on a bit much here, HeHe, so I'm just trying to help a brother out.

HiHi HeHe!

"You have to be kidding me."

HaHa HaHa

Haven't you seen the movie Troll?

(No, seriously, haven't you?)

If you keep feeding them, they might make another movie, and this time it could be even worse.

Knock it off.

Advocate for the Devil or just protagonist Dan? Very funny.

HeHe-- You hate science.

Great post Dan. You kept heehaw to 1 sentence. I love it.

Great post Dan.

I think George Carlin said it best about the whole "Save the Earth" movement.

"The Earth isn't going anywhere.....we are."

Ask an environmental scientist to explain the ice age, then ask them why it is that the earth has these cyclical warming and cooling trends. Then ask if perhaps that is why we have this "evidence" of global warming.

Count how many names you get called afterwards.

Be well,

Sponge

I will start raising more livestock to try to warm things up.

Pretty funny about that Newsweek story in 1975 about Global Cooling. It stated that the Earth had gotten cooler since the beginning of the century and a suggestion was made the cover the Artic ice cap with soot to help it melt thus warming the earth. Now, the same maroons are trying to convince us that Global Warming is the threat and if the ice caps melt we'll be in grave danger.

This is typical...

http://www.tmz.com/2006/10/18/celebs-who-claim-theyre-green-but-guzzle-gas

I think you should also see http://www.apartments.waw.pl

One of your best posts in a while! Priceless!

asdf,

You're right on. My brother, who used to be quite a researcher, tracked down that this hysteria began as "The Next Ice Age". (Anybody who was alive in the seventies has heard that phrase.) But when they measured the temps, they found them going up instead of down. The next step was to argue that warming was needed and would be temporary, and would just get the glaciers melted enough to start rolling down on us. Voila, "The Next Ice Age".

Some of the same people who gave us TNIA founded GW.

Why can't we just live and try to do the best we can to keep our environment clean and safe while, in the meantime, stop over thinking our impact on it and just leave the Earth alone? Think the Earth might be capable as it has for millennia of taking care of itself.