Overlooked amid Mel Gibson's rebellion against law and custom is his affront against good taste. Sure, Mel Gibson drove drunk. Sure, he invoked a cop's religion and declared that practitioners of that faith lurk behind all wars. Sure, he created his own unmentionable name for a female cop. But what about his choice of booze? The man had an unsealed bottle of tequila in his car. Tequila?

Tequila is gross. It's not as gross as the tequila-flavored beer Tequiza, but as far as the big five go--gin, vodka, whiskey, rum, tequila--tequila is dead last. It is disgusting straight, leaving behind an unsavory flavor that tastes like Jose Cuervo and all of his cousins vomited in the back of your mouth. Gentlemen prefer rubbing alcohol.

It mixes, at least with regard to simple drinks, horribly too. I know, I know. Tequilla is a key ingredient in Long Island Iced Teas, Margaritas, and other popular bar drinks. Making those drinks right, however, requires not just any old diploma from bartending college, but a Ph.D. They are too complicated to make, particularly when you are drinking them too.

I was unlucky enough to win a bottle of tequilla a few years back. I got around to drinking it in June. I tried mixing it with Coke. You can't go wrong with Coke, right? It mixes smoothly with rum and whiskey, and is certainly drinkable with gin and vodka. But tequilla doesn't play well with others. The concoction hit on my gag reflexes. I asked a relative, quite familiar with such elixers, what mixes with tequilla. Fresca. He was right. The Fresca-tequila mix didn't quite erase the painful memories of the Coke-tequila mix, but it worked. Unfortunately, when making a liquor palatable requires the purchase of an obscure soft-drink--one not even found in most vending machines--then that liquor deserves its bad reputation.

Hang around with the Black Sheep of Liquors and people might think of you as a black sheep too. Mel Gibson offended Jews, women, and cops. Mel Gibson offended enlightened drinkers too. On their behalf, I demand an apology.

You have a point. Tequila is pretty damn gross.

Dan,

I respect you very much for writing this post. Very clever and witty indeed. Most importantly, it's true.

Bravo!

Have to agree that Tekillya is nasty stuff and is barely potable in Margaritas and other drinks especially concocted to accept this liquor's unique flavor. Straight, I would have to say it’s the “drunk’s drink”. Thus, revelations about Mel should not surprise.

I ordered a Tangueray and tonic recently (my favorite libation) and some joker used Cuervo. Damn near killed me!

And I can attest to the fact that Dan's relative is a master mixologist. In addition to being one of the Northeast’s biggest real estate moguls.

ASDF: As talented as that brother is with mixology, it was actually another brother I turned to with my tequila query.

Ah. Renaissance men all then.

In descending order it should go Whiskey and all its siblings, Vodka, Rum, Gin, Goat lactation and then Tequilla. Tequilla is truly gross, and for that Gibson should be ashamed.

Since everyone here seems to be in universal agreement on how bad tequila is, why do people drink it? Is it just a cultural thing? Is this just one more reason why rampant legal and illegal immigration from the South of us is bad?

I think that the perception is that there is something exotic about drinking the stuff. And that it is more potent than other liquors (which it's not), thus will get you drunker quicker. Personally, I'd rather drink "exotic" with a nice rum drink and imagine I'm on a beautiful Carribean island rather than even thinking about Mexico.

Before you render final judgment, I'd recommend something top shelf like Petron, preferably chilled.

These guys like Tequila. It can't be that bad:

http://www.headwindow.com/tequila/

The top notch Tequilas are something worth trying. Patron straight or in a Marg is well worth the price, or at least trying.

Two questions:

Wasn't tequila John Wayne's favorite drink?
Is the salt-on-hand raw lime chaser bookend olympic move also designed as a distraction from the rapid fire shot of tequila they envelop?

Nope. John Wayne quaffed a fifth or more of rye every day. Have no idea what he tequila question means.

I seem to remember Dan liking Goldschlager quite a bit. Oh it was many years ago, maybe 12 but you drank almost the whole bottle in a couple of gulps. Very impressive.

I don't recall this incident, but that doesn't mean it never happened.