Mel Gibson drinks Tequila. Maurice Clarett gotta get his goose on. Hillary and John McCain went shot-for-shot on vodka. All of this talk of alcohol got me to thinking: What's the best (and worst) of the big five? The last weekend of summer is here, and so is this all-important, worst-to-first, big-five booze list:

5. Tequila--Don't drink the water. Don't drink the tequila, either. My remarks from an earlier post stand: Tequila tastes as if Jose Cuervo and all of his cousins vomited in the back of your mouth. Gentlemen prefer rubbing alcohol.

4. Gin--It's kind of like vodka's underacheiving cousin. It's disgusting straight, but finds redemption when combined with tonic water for one of the best-loved bar drinks. It's a hard alcohol enjoyed by many refined, functioning alcoholics, I find. One gentleman I know goes through several 1.75 litre bottles of Gilbey's a week. Tanqueray is preferred.

3. Whiskey--Like the people who drink them ("I drink alone/I prefer to be by myself"), Jack Daniels and Jim Beam don't play well with others. Blended whiskey (Seagram's 7, Crown Royal) goes down well with Coke or ginger ale, but the Jim Beams and Jack Danielses of the world--the single malts--are a bit too strong and overpower any mixed drink. On the other hand, the single malts go down better straight while the blended whiskeys can't seem to make it solo. In other words, whiskey isn't a utility player. It plays one position--straight or mixed--but never both. Also, Southern Comfort probably has more sugar and sweeteners in it than a pack of Sweet Tarts. Southern Comfort is a vomit bomb waiting to go off. UPDATE: I'm informed that SoCo is an imposter whiskey, which is something I considered but foolishly rejected before writing this post. My apologies to the hick whiskey drinkers who read this site.

2. Vodka--The beast from the east mixes well with just about anything--orange juice, Coke, ginger ale, cranberry juice, and, especially, other liquors. It is probably found in more mixed drinks than any other member of the Big Five. The people who make it--Fins, Russians, Swedes, Poles--know something about drinking. Whiskey is better straight. Vodka is better mixed. One's preference for mixed or straight largely determines one's preference for vodka or whiskey. The Communists banned vodka in the initial years of the Russian Revolution, but even the mighty hammer and sickle couldn't stamp out the even mightier potato booze. The Russians conquered and reconquered the Poles. The Poles conquered Russia just once, by inventing Vodka, and have never been rebuffed.

1. Rum--What's not to like? It can be imbibed straight or with concoctions. My preference is for Coke, but a rum highball is a good drink too. Like vodka, rum mixes well--particularly clear, light rum--and is found in a great many complicated drinks where the alcohol tase is neutralized. Pirates are notorious rum enthusiasts. I'd like to turn over the person responsible for the Captain Morgan advertisements to al Qaeda.

Don't like my list? Make up your own, preferably with some reasons, in the comments sections.

Yes please.

Anyone tried absinthe? It seems to be really popular amongst the hippies.

I had no idea Republicans drank.

I thought Evxteme Christians couldn't do that. The President doesn't.

"I thought extreme Christians couldn't drink."

It's unclear what you mean by "extreme," but if you mean "pious," then you're far beyond mistaken. Christ didn't turn water into wine for nothing.

Who's a Republican?

Absinthe is one of those liquorice-flavored drinks and, hence, unimbibable for Webster.

5. Tequila for all Dan's reasons.
4. Rum. I've never been one for mixed drinks, as opposed to somewhat diluted drinks. Rum flavor is okay for cooking, but I just don't go for it in a glass.
3. Vodka. Martini or shot, it is refreshing.
4. Gin. Only because it is the only thing that makes the hot humid Virginia summer bearable.
5. Whisky (or -ey). Lagavulin (smokey single malt), Tullamore Dew (mother's milk to a scots-irish longing for the Isles), or any of a number of bourbons, the sweet domestic help from Kentucky or Tennessee. Never ever mixed.

Any AYRFSF this year Dan, even a superbowl pool?

I can't think of anything as refreshing and tasty than a Tangueray and Tonic with a lime. Tony Sinclair knows whereof he speaks.

I must the only one that rides the night train...

Dan,
Obviously you are not a Tequila fan, but are you referring to the high end brands as well? I happen to think high end Tequila is pretty fine stuff, especially when accompanied with any early ZZ Top album. Maybe I've lived in the Southwest too long. Tequila is by far the worst of the hangovers, though.

Absinthe I have had isn't licorice tasting. It is actually very fine stuff, and was long illegal to import into the U.S. b/c of the original versions potency for hallucinogenic effects. The hippies like it b/c its roots are in Bohemia and it is tied in w/ the Dracula stories and is what thiose Gothic Romantics like Shelly drank and I think od'ed on.

Absinthe is very very good but you have to cut it heavily w/ sugar water and light it on fire for a second to make it drinkable . . . which is way too much work.

Not Tanqueray people, Bombay sapphire is a much smoother gin. I once drank half a liter of gin straight from a bottle on a long train ride from Dresden to Darmstadt and it tasted like drinking a bottle of perfume. I do not recommend doing that, definitely mix it w/ something.

Rum. Pass.

I knew Fong was a squeegy guy.

I'll have to give Bombay a try. I've heard that the Sapphire is good stuff. And, anybody who would drink gin straight should do some time at Betty Ford. Gin is a mixed drink waiting to happen.

Seagram's 7 whiskey mixed with ginger ale on ice. End of discussion.

Ken: Seagram's and ginger ale? Why not just do as Travolta did (WWJTD?) in Saturday Night Fever and order a 7/7: Seagram's 7 and 7-up?

ASDF: Amen on gin a mixed drink waiting to happen.

Ancient Mariner: I'll order a tequila and La Grange, hold the tequila.

Sapphire and tonic is a great drink on a hot day, and martinis, gin or vodka, are also slakers of the highest order. Straight gin, that's a train ride I will defer to Bruce. Whew.

I just wince at the thought of sweet drinks. Not a taste I have acquired, and at my age it is unlikely I ever will.

The straight gin experience has never been repeated I assure you. My only defense was that I was young, it was Halloween, and the purchase of gin at the Dresden train depot was a spontaneous act related to encountering and conversing w/ two Mormons in the store. Let it be a warning, I did it so no one else will ever have to.

I should mention the wonders of Johnnie Walker Blue, that is one fine blended Scotch, obviously on the pricey side but a must-have to at least imbibe in occasionally.

Dan,
you drink like a high school girl. I bet your booze cabinet is stocked with puckers sour apple electric green sugar water. Great post on the war on language though.

R.C.

High School girls prefer Rum, Vodka, and Whiskey?

Okay.

Anyways, Dan, I must protest about Jack Daniels not mixing well. Jack & Coke is great.

On those very hot Mississippi evenings, nothing quenches the thirst,quite like a Tanq.and tonic (of course with a twist of lime). The G&T is a custom made drink for those who live in the deep south.

"Only 31.9% of Americans currently identify themselves as Republicans, according to a new Rasmussen Reports poll. The number of self-identified Democrats has grown slightly to 37.3%, and 30.8% of Americans call themselves unaffiliated -- the highest percentage since Rasmussen began releasing this data in January 2004."

http://politicalwire.com/archives/2006/09/01/number_of_republicans_at_new_low.html

Gin, tequila - yuck!
Whiskey, vodka, rum - yum!
Cognac, SoCo - really yum!

""Only 31.9% of Americans currently identify themselves as Republicans, according to a new Rasmussen Reports poll. The number of self-identified Democrats has grown slightly to 37.3%, and 30.8% of Americans call themselves unaffiliated -- the highest percentage since Rasmussen began releasing this data in January 2004."

http://politicalwire.com/archives/2006/09/01/number_of_republicans_at_new_low.html" -HeHe

Stop. Seriously. The thread is not about republicans and democrats, stop trolling.

Ben-T,
You’ve pounded away at this guy’s nonsense very steadily and made him look like the illiterate, crazy fool that he is. It’s time to move on! I think you should do what most others are now doing and ignore him. I know it’s fun toying with this empty can but like ASDF told me: It’s time to get off the crazy train. You will never raise the standards of a troll. Your time will be better spent debating with someone who actually knows how to write, knows what they are talking about and will stick to the topic at hand.

Just a thought.

Respectfully,
AM

A nice Bombay and tonic is a great after-golf drink (especially living in the humidity of Tampa). I also enjoy good cognac and cigar, when the weather starts to turn.

I have also vowed to see if I finally have the taste for whiskey. As the show "Rescue Me" put it so eloquently: "Stop drinking that pussy vodka; real Irishman drink whiskey!!".

I have to say that T&T’s of any stripe are certainly better going down in a warmer climate. However, there are a few of us Yankees who have a taste for them as well. ;-) Although, I will admit, as the weather here generally $uck$, I only get to truly enjoy them for a relatively short time of the year (I do continue to drink them in some of our colder months while dreaming of my favorite warm time of year).

Hear you on the whiskey Fudgie. For most of my formative years, I was a big Jameson’s drinker. For better or for worse, I grew up with whiskey drinkers. A top shelf Irish whiskey is truly the nectar of the Gods.

5. Rum – Rum & Coke is the preferred drink of girlies and barfly’s at the neighborhood dive. Too sugary. Black Rum is my preferred over Bacardi clear or Captain Morgan. Black Rum is best with Orange Juice: ask for a “Meyer’s and OJ.” Rum Punch is necessary in college, and Pirates like rum too, so it’s not all bad. Best: Meyers and OJ

4. Vodka – Bread wine. Not a fan. Yea, it mixes well with a lot but I’ve probably never ordered anything with Vodka in it and never wil. Probably because I was first exposed to cheap Cossack Vodka packaged in a plastic bottle in Somerville, that I am not a fan, but Ketel One and Chopin are not bad. Best: Cape Codder

3. Tequila – It’s Mexican, so you can’t expect all that much. Best in Magarita’s, but also good with Fresca. I call ‘em “Citrus Guzman’s” or “Ted Knight Guzman’s”. Tequila also fueld one of Dylan's greatest albums Desire, so it'a not all bad. Best: Tequila Sunrise

2. Whiskey – Aqua vitae, the Water of Life. Bourbon is nice. Irish better. Scotch the best. Yea, SoCo ain't Whiskey. Best: Whiskey Sour or Jameson on the rocks.

1. Gin – Gin & Tonic, that’s all. Try Gin-based cousin, Pimm's. Best: Gin & Tonic

Acient Mariner,

Ad Hominum much??

Duche.

Hey! It's Amazing Larry!

Is there something you'd like to share with the REST of us???

Dan-Man,

Pretty solid list.

# 5 Tequila. I agree it is flat out horrid to drink / shoot straight. I do however enjoy Margaritas and I will make them myself (quite well) in order to kill a bottle of Tequila. The better the bottle of Tequila (1800) the better the Margaritas. Long Island Ice Tea…you might as well just ask the bartender for a Glass of Blackout on Ice if that is your nightlong drink of choice.

# 4 Rum. Call it gay, call me gay, but Mt. Gay Rum is the best tasting rum I have ever drank. I would routinely purchase handles of Mt. Gay Rum at New Hampshire State Liquor Stores, all located directly off of a major NH highway, the NSLS are amazing places to bulk booze buy, and if you dig cigarettes bring a lighter. Mt. Gay claims to be the oldest of rums and I wouldn’t doubt it as it is surely the best of them.

# 3 Whiskey. I’m a Whisky drinker. I drink Jameson and I usually drink it straight. Mix it with Ginger Ale and no one should really complain about it. I rate Whiskey higher than rum because straight rum sends me straight to the bathroom or a corner of a bar where hopefully not a great many people will see me hurl behind an obscure video game machine placed there for male adults who like to play video games at bars rather than drink there.

# 2 Gin. Those who drink Gin Martinis are stronger drinkers than I for sure. For years I would find myself showing up to parties with The Green Monster (a handle of Tanqueray). Tanquerary is the Ford of Gins. Bombay Sapphire is the Mercedes. If the Green Monster is a little too rough for some, I suggest getting behind the wheel of the Mercedes of Gin…and then letting someone else get behind the wheel of a car, like me.

# 1 Vodka. I rarely drink Vodka but I agree that it is the staple of hard liquor drinks because it goes so well with so many different mixers. If and when I do drink Vodka I go for the high class stuff. In my experience Grey Goose tends to be the best of the best. I know many prefer other brands and that’s great. I’ve never turned down a screwdriver in the AM hours, nor a Ted Kennedy (just add a little cranberry for some color) in the mid afternoon or a G.G. Martini, extra dry, straight-up with a twist at a formal evening event. When I'm under the weather and elect to drink, I’ll order a Madris as O.J. and cranberry juice is what a doctor would order.

ASDF,

I'm a transplanted "yankee" (although as a Red Sox fan I hate to use that term!). I moved from the Boston area 3 years ago. Love the weather (hurricanes excluded), but it takes a couple of summers to get used to the humidity.

I'm transplanted in spirit. I love the hot weather and loath the cold. And, I've developed much more of a relaxed "southern attitude" where my preference is to be away from the hyper unfriendly Northern types. I'll be moving south at some point when family matters allow.

Sadly, there's a joke going around now about a kid who doesn't want to live with his family because they're violent and they beat him. So, he tells the judge overseeing his case that he opts to live with the Red Sox because they can't beat anybody. ;-\ Sad but true.

#1 - Vodka.

#1 Vodka - Chopin. This vodka is polish and is derived from a potato, where most other vodka's are from grain. Compare Chopin with Ketle One/Grey Goose/Sky etc. and you will notice Chopin is smoother.

RW,
Price-wise, where is Chopin relative to the others vodka's mentioned in your post?

Just caught this: "Tanquerary is the Ford of Gins. Bombay Sapphire is the Mercedes." I would beg to differ and say that there is not that much of a gap between the two. Both are premium gins with a slight edge to BS. If you're looking for the "Ford", Gibley's or Beefeaters are more like it.