For Jason Alexander, it all goes down hill from here. For 55 hours last December, Alexander was married to Britney Spears. For the uninitiated, Spears isn't the one with the annoying reality show on MTV; nor is she the one who appears as the human personification of chlamydia. She wore the school-girl uniform and kissed a fiftysomething Madonna (gross!).

I hate to turn this into the FlynnFiles Enquirer, but Alexander's interview with The News of the World is impossible to ignore. "We made love in her bed, her shower and her bath," notes Alexander, whose interview reads like a letter to Penthouse Forum. Alexander adds, "She was an animal in bed."

Alexander seems to be speaking out in response to Spears' upcoming marriage to a dancer in music videos. Naturally, Alexander, a normal-looking football-player dude, doesn't want to lose the girl he's known since age four to some guy who could, and probably does, pass for a girl. I don't blame him.

"The sex was mind-blowing and rough," Alexander remembers. "We did it in every position you could think of. It was so wild we managed to fall off the bed together." Well, I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted Mr. Alexander. As much as I'd like for you to continue to divulge secrets about your 55 hours of passion, it might be healthier for you to start a support group with James Dougherty, Nicky Hilton, and Ojani Noa.

I was scared for a minute. I thought Jason Alexander meant that guy from Seinfeld and the pretzel commercials. If "Pretzel Boy" had a fling with Britney that would have to be a sign of the Apocalypse.

I think Fisher Stevens should be included in the support group. This C-List actor was with Michelle Pfeiffer for 3 years! 3 years!

Good call, RD. I had never heard of Fisher Stevens. Perhaps we'll add Billy Bob to the list in a few years. Angelina, on second thought, doesn't seem to be the marrying type.