Did you know I receive transmissions on my idiot box once again? Longtime readers of this site know that I killed my television several years back. A combination of wanting to concentrate on reading and writing, the cable bill, and providing the right environment for a new son contributed to the radical change. There are too many people in our society suffering from acquired mental retardation, with television being a leading cause, and I didn't want to add to that list.

The motive for returning to television is less complicated. When I branched out into talk radio late last summer, several people stared at me as if I had nipples for eyes when I blurted out that I didn't watch television. It was supposed to establish my credibility as a radio devotee. It only succeeded in making people think I was out of touch and arrogant. Watchou thank ur bedda dan us cause u don wach TV? Radio hosts should be in tune with their listeners, which means tuning into television. I succumbed, and after a frustrating experience of the cable company standing me up for installation, I got a dish inconspicuously placed on the back of my house. To my disappointment, I have yet to receive transmissions from an alien race known as the Zolaxians. But it gets several hundred very similar channels with very different names broadcast from all over the earth. Okay, they broadcast from New York or Los Angeles, but you get the point.

When you don't see something for several years, you notice the changes more than the people who see it every day, e.g., when a friend loses weight you're more apt to notice if you haven't been in each other's company for a while than if you're around the friend every day. The first thing I noticed coming back was how smoking hot the women on Fox News have become. I realize television is a visual medium, but this is ridiculuous. The women on MSNBC and CNN must all have self-image complexes. MTV and VH1, once abbreviations of Music Television and Video Hits 1, don't play music videos any longer. I used to joke of this possibility in the wake of the encroachment of reality television, but now reality television is a complete reality on music television. Make a reality show about that reality, I guess.

I now have a favorite television show. It's called the First 48, and it documents attempts by homicide detectives to solve murders in various cities. I particularly like the episodes in Memphis. It's not a new show, but because I haven't watched television in several years it is new to me. Television has brought out my inner rent-delinquent-trailer-park-denizen. This side of me is especially strong when watching The Tool Academy, the brilliantly stupid show that chronicles the fool's errand of transforming twentysomething tools into model boyfriends. The dramatic conclusion is this weekend, but it can't be as dramatic as the hilarious expulsion of this student from The Tool Academy, and the taunt from his former classmate that his girlfriend is a hooker.

Television is like a Dawn of the Dead zombie: wherever you go, there's no escape. Try to collect your ideas in an airport, and CNN Headline News blaring in the foreground will shout down your thoughts. Go to fill up an empty gas tank, and the tube atop the pump will fill your head with images of various consumables found inside the service station. At the check-out line, in that restaurant, on the train--television, television, televison. If you don't watch it, people will start to watch you (as if you belonged in a zoo). You can't escape the television zombie, so why not become one--if only for a few hours a week.

I don't own a television, however, I watch plenty of TV shows using the internet and on DVD.

When I visit my mom and sister I like watching First 48 on demand. I know it's voyeuristic and opportunistic and supports a probably morally unjustifiable television production, but I just cannot help myself. I'm always shocked at how much of a sh1thole Memphis is. I'll have to visit that place someday.

Other shows I like are: The Colber Report (you can watch yesterday's program for free online), Charlie Rose (same), The Venture Brothers (DVD), Flight of the Conchords (DVD), anything John Pilger does (google video), and South Park (free online)

Congratulations and welcome back to the world! I think?

I don't watch a lot of $hite on TV, but I do watch more than I should.

Sports; old movies; learning stuff (History, GEO, Discovery = great stuff); news and documentaries.

Sorry to say, I've never seen 'Tool' but it looks really, really good! In a car crash curiosity kind of way.

Try VH1 HD. You might actually hit on some music. They do ‘best of’ clips and the occasional live concerts (the Pink Floyd series is particularly good).

I suppose though, we'll all have to wait for the Idiocracy to have the Masturbation Channel available to us.

If you like The First 48, get The Wire. It lasted 5 seasons, and is the greatest television drama ever.

Its kind of a cliche to say that TV is a wasteland etc, but I think TV programming in general has improved dramaticly in the past 5 or 6 years. Network TV is generally sub mental but some of the shows on cable have been great. I agree that The Wire was fantastic. It may be the best show I have ever watched. HBO has had an excellent run of shows recently. Two newer comedies East Bound and Down and FLight of the Conchords are very funny. Curb Your Enthusiasm is funnier than Sienfeld ever was. And The Sopranos and Rome were very good.

"I suppose though, we'll all have to wait for the Idiocracy to have the Masturbation Channel available to us."

It is - on pay-per-view.

Touche

The best TV shows I've watched in the last year were web TV shows, actually.

Dr. Horrible

http://www.truveo.com/Dr-Horribles-SingAlong-Blog/id/2817457174

The Line

http://www.funnyordie.com/theline/playlists/188000?item=0

I must admit I have never gotten some folks absolute hatred of television. It's one thing to limit what you watch, it's something else completely to totally reject it.
If you think it's filled mainly with crap,then you should compare it to the internet, 99% of the stuff on the web is useless garbage. Do I really need to see a video of a dog that runs in his sleep and runs head first into a wall? NO, but it's hilarious. So why not completely reject the internet also?
I think there is a certain amount of arrogance when someone makes a point of rejecting television.

"Watchou thank ur bedda dan us cause u don wach TV?"

"Television has brought out my inner rent-delinquent-trailer-park-denizen."

Gee how could you possibly come off as arrogant?

Not watching, or at least owning a television is impractical. If there's an emergency the fastest way to get information to people is still television, no overtaxed servers to contend with.

If you have such a distaste for television no one is forcing you get the 200+ channels from cable or a satellite dish. Just get an antenna and you'd be able to get a handful of stations for free.

Opus, that dog thing was hilarious. The Soup is typically a hoot and a good example of something you don't need to see but is worth every second of viewing.

Dan, the fact that you linked to a pic of GWAR just cemented you as my favorite conservative writer.

Or as a true Beavis and Butthead fan (a fact I doubt he'd deny)...