Illegal immigrants walked off the job on Monday. Today, they return to work. Or so they think. Illegal aliens will find that their jobs have been taken by opportunistic super-illegal aliens.

Just who are these super-illegal aliens?

They are properly known as Morlocks, and they do the jobs that illegal aliens won't do. What? Illegal aliens will do any legitimate job for the right price. Well, super-illegal aliens will do it for cheaper. Super-illegal aliens are the people who mow your lawns, nanny your kids, wash your car, and paint your house. They are the backbone of this country.

But for the crime of dreaming the American dream, super-illegals face detention and deportation at the instigation of illegals. That's draconian.

The super-illegal alien can be found in 7-11 parking lots attempting to "undercut" the job-seeking illegal aliens who congregate there. If an illegal alien offers to paint your house for $6.50 an hour, a super-illegal alien will offer to pay you $6.50 an hour to paint your house. As a result, illegal aliens no longer will mow your lawn, nanny your kids, wash your car, or paint your house. There are some jobs that illegal-immigrants just won't do. It's great for our nation that super-illegal aliens are willing to do them. That's good-old American capitalism and hard work. Don't let any disgruntled illegal alien tell you different.

Illegal aliens accuse super-illegal aliens of cheating "the system" to enter the United States. True, they never had to hop fences, elude the border patrol, cross rivers, suffer long desert rides in Ryder trucks stuffed with people, or suffer any other such barriers to migrate that "the system" imposes. But the super-illegal alien has to travel to this country from below. That's right, they are subterranean dwellers. The Morlocks are lower than dirt--literally--and are treated that way by frustrated illegals who can't adjust to the new economy. But all the super-illegals want to do is feed their families by throwing whatever money they earn down a hole. They have an underground economy, yes, but it drives the overall economy. America would collapse without the super-illegal immigrants propping it up. And since the Morlocks have been below America for God knows how long, they are truly the original Americans. They have more of a right to America than anyone. Why, I would even say that we, and not the Morlocks, are the true immigrants if I did not view the term as such a complement.

But not everyone agrees. Some people want the Morlocks to actually apply for citizenship to earn the rights of citizens. Can you believe the nerve? The well-documented undocumented workers, for instance, want to construct a wall (or, more precisely, a floor) to protect America from the undocumented undocumented workers. But to place a wall on our horizontal border to secure ourselves from below while we let people come over the vertical borders on every side insults all immigrants--legal, illegal, and super-illegal. Don't let anyone fool you that there's a difference between the methods of immigration. Legal, illegal, and super-illegal immigrants are all immigrants, after all. To oppose one method of immigration is to hate all immigrants. Let's get over our legality fetish and stop felonizing people who just want to work. It's just plain anti-immigrant and un-American. Rather than impeding the sometimes dangerous journey from the Earth's mantle, we should be removing the obstacles--like the Earth's crust--that stand in their way. Amnesty implies that the super-illegals have crimes that need forgiveness. They don't. The laws themselves are criminal. We're all people, after all, even "dirtbacks." Open all borders, vertical and horizontal, earthen and fence.

Super-illegal aliens, their opponents charge, are diverting scant educational resources from the teaching of Spanish in American schools to the teaching of Esperanto, the native tongue of the Morlock. But every child has a right to an education in their own language at the expense of foreigners. To hear the anti-super-illegal rhetoric, the super-illegals overcrowd the prisons already crowded with plain illegals. They crash the uninsured cars of illegal aliens. They start gangs. They jump ahead in emergency-room lines. They commit crimes disproportionate to their numbers. They drain the pool of welfare money, benefits that illegal aliens, by putting a much-deserved guilt trip on so-called "citizens," earned fair and square. But the anti-super-illegal rhetoric is a pack of lies. The illegals would be wise to reflect on their super-illegal ancestors. Then they wouldn't be so intolerant. The super-illegal aliens built America. Did I mention that they are the backbone of this country? Viva la Morlock!

Illegal aliens are angry with super-illegal aliens for entering their communities with no intention of learning the language. A community that can't communicate, they say, isn't a real community. Hogwash! Talking is superficial. We can all understand each other on much deeper levels that don't require speaking, which is racist anyhow. Illegal aliens gripe that they now have to press "2" to get instructions in Spanish, navigate an increasing number of super-illegal-alien oriented television and radio stations, see the Morlock flag everywhere, and hear the national anthem sung in Esperanto. Well too bad! And you increasingly hear their complaints about how there are now some cities in California and Florida where Esperanto is the majority language. Miami and Houston aren't Miami and Houston any longer. The super-illegals just rolled in and transformed the cities into places unrecognizable to illegals. C'mon, people, get with the times. America is a nation of immigrants, and it's the job of all Americans to accomodate the newest, purest immigrants. And if you don't like living in a nation of nations, then you should migrate to a "proper" nation (provided they let you in!). In diversity is unity.

Why are the illegals so mad at the super-illegals? I, for one, don't understand it. Sure, the super-illegal aliens break the law, drive down the wages of illegal aliens, mutate communities, and drain government resources. But those aren't legitimate reasons for illegal aliens to oppose super-illegal aliens. What are their true motives? Are they bigots? Xenophobes? Racists? It just doesn't make sense. Why do they hate immigrants?

It looks like you got a hold of a future South Park script. Great post.

Because the American people disagree with their cause so much (even if our politicians don't), these people hurt the cause the MORE noise they make. I think these weeks of pouting and ingratitude will only make it more likely that our politicians do something to tighten borders.

I didn't know you were a Jules Verne fan, Dan.

Skeptic, I hope you're right about those lazy dumbazzes on the Hill.

Clever post, Dan. These pro-illegal immigration protesters remind me of the anti-war hippies of the 60’s. When you boil down all the rhetoric and emotion the message is clear: “Me First!”

"dirtbacks"- priceless

Mick, it's H.G. Wells, and actually he is a FlynnFiles fan (and not the reverse). He used his time machine to steal my "Morlock" label for a book he wrote 100 or so years ago. He even had the nerve to have his Morlocks living underground too.

Dan, what would you say to Randians, who claim that immigration laws violate "human rights?" Border control is a "force," in other words, which violates people's rights to do as they wish.

"They took our jobs"!

"Drrr da drrr obs!"

"Stan, don't be a futurist!"

Dan, keep churning out posts like this and you will abate my haranguing the conservatism and ideology post. The other day, I picked up IMs and WTLHA, just as a refresher (I've read both several times). Can't wait for the new works, man. ;)